Rich Keeble & The More Accomplished Musicians

by Rich Keeble & The More Accomplished Musicians

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    The s/t album now on tape! Lovely yellow tapes with on-body printing and extended inlays including lyrics

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  • CDr
    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

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1.
I got a bellend tattoo Something that reminds me of you And it's got your face and a little smile and it's all nice And it'll keep me company when I'm all on my own Or I've had a bad day, oh it’s lovely Bellend tattoo Do you like my bellend tattoo? Bellend tattoo You don't seem very impressed I was hoping this would get you undressed And it's almost like we're having threesome isn't it But yeah I realise it's your face going into your own vagina So it's a bit weird, I didn't think it through - sorry Bellend tattoo Don't like my bellend tattoo? Bellend tattoo Bellend tattoo? Bellend tattoo Bellend tattoo!
2.
You took my stuff took my stuff took my stuff you motherfucker So I'm gonna have to fuck you right up There was an avocado sitting in the fridge that had my name on That I'd specially earmarked for my lunch It's the sheer audacity that I just can't understand It's like you took my baby daughter Or you've cut off my hand You took my stuff motherfucker So I'm gonna have to fuck you right up You took my stuff took my stuff took my stuff you motherfucker So I'm gonna have to fuck you right up There was a yellow highlighter pen Sitting on my desk about A couple of inches from my mug You're just like an animal, you really don’t think So I’ve started it with yellow and I’ve finished it with pink And everyone who reads this report will think: “That’s a bit odd” I'm gonna think up all the punishments That I think reasonably fit the crime And there's a principle at stake So it doesn't matter if I do time You took my stuff took my stuff took my stuff you motherfucker Come on when you gonna give it a rest? You know I like to go and have a quiet poo about 11 And the left cubicle is the best I couldn’t believe it when I turned up as usual You were in there making noises That were quite inexcusable And I had to use the one on the right with the wobbly seat You may think it’s petty But you clearly don't get me You'll be praying for a time machine So you never met me Take my stuff mother fucker and I'm gonna have to fuck you right up I'm gonna think up all the punishments That I think reasonably fit the crime And there's a principle at stake So it doesn't matter if I do time – you know? Prison! You may think it’s petty But you clearly don't get me You'll be praying for a time machine So you never met me When you find the passive aggressive note that I left on your chair Yes, thank you!
3.
My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me It’s like someone took my picture And then stuck it over his face My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me Same pasty skin It’s really frightening My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me It’s like someone created a mask out of my face And then made it commercially available My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me Same ginger beard It’s really frightening You’ve got to pity the poor cunt who has to look like me My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me It’s like someone ripped my face off And then surgically attached it onto his My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me Same upside down head It’s really frightening You’ve got to pity the poor cunt who has to look like me
4.
Belt Loop 00:57
I don’t think you understand the kind of pressure I’m going through I bet you’d just sit around all day if it was up to you If it was up to you I got in to work today and someone had sat in my chair I had to spend 2 minutes readjusting it Life just isn’t fair Life just isn’t fair And then I put too much milk in my tea And saw I missed a belt loop Yeah I put too much milk in my tea And saw I missed a belt loop
5.
Make yourself at home You come around herebutitsnottoseemeitsmywife
6.
David 02:29
Now we’re so sorry that you’re coming home We blocked you on MSN, Myspace and on our phones We’re so sorry that you’re coming home, oh yeah We changed the locks on the doors and boarded up the windows Made absolutely sure there’s nowhere for you to go We’re so sorry that you’re coming home, oh yeah No need to be so mean You’re so hard to please But you’re not the only one You’re not the only one who sees The worst in me You’re not the only one You’re not the only one You say you don’t like our music Go fuck yourself
7.
You don’t ask why before you doing anything You always do what you want How you gonna get through life if you just constantly act like a cunt The neighbours round here are almost constantly bitching Net curtains up and down the street are regularly twitching cos of me What have you got to say, for yourself, for yourself? Please don’t park up my drive I’m asking you nicely so there’s a chance you’ll survive Your mother came home from the shops and she was Unequivocally not herself She took a tin of spam and then just casually placed it On the vinegar shelf The customers around her, they were all up in arms The store manager was screaming and set off all the alarms Yes it was memorable What have you got to say for yourself, for yourself? Please don’t park up my drive You see I’m asking you nicely so there’s a chance you’ll survive What has she got that I haven’t got? What has she got? What has he got that I haven’t got? What has he got? And all the ladies say… What has he got that I haven’t got? What has he got? All the boys say... What has he got that I haven’t got What has he got? Please don’t park up my drive You see I’m asking you nicely so there’s a chance you’ll survive The woman in the post office was filling me in About some Eastern Europeans that have moved into Number 3 I wish that all these foreigners would just go away Except the ones that'll be doing my cholecystectomy
8.
It’s recently come to our attention It’s recently come to our attention It’s recently come to our attention And now it’s time to reveal the various contexts or scenarios in which unequivocal evidence exists of your status as a “massive cunt”, as voted for by the readers of Prima magazine When you’re riding your bike through a red light When you’re picking your kids up from school When you’re voicing your opinion on the Syrian refugee crisis When you’re standing on the left of the escalator When you’re ordering a granary bap at the bakery When you’re dropping off your dry cleaning When you’re thinking of booking your car in for an MOT When you’re considering talking to a new pension provider When you’re researching the candidates for the opposition leadership When you’re putting out your recycling When you’re complaining to the Local Authority about some fly tipping When you’re just generally going about your day to day business When you’re trying to remember how to adjust the air conditioning When you’re weeing next to me and you get some wee on me When because of your bad parking I can’t get into an otherwise available parking space When your wife has been injured in a minor traffic accident and caused congestion When you forget that eggs come out of chickens, and ducks When you can’t remember which spelling of “license” is correct for the grammatical context (sigh) When you remember you need to put a new battery in the smoke alarm When you notice that your curtains are not of sufficient density to block out enough light for a restful sleep When you realise that at the end of the day, all life is meaningless
9.
If I could live my life again I’d be as lazy as I am now It’s the beauty of this alcoholic haze It takes us away to those far out places Where we don’t have to look at each other’s faces It goes on for what seems like days That’s all I have to say You’ll do for now How can she love you if she can’t love herself? She takes out her anger on everyone else And being with you takes the worry out of getting laid There’s a kick to be had if you’re calling the shots She’s in control whether you like it or not You’ll be out of the door if something better comes her way That’s all I have to say You’ll do for now
10.
You say "Oh No" I say "I Know!"
11.
Lunch 00:11
12.
Here you are washed up before you’re even 40 How did you let it all go so wrong? All those dreams you had of forming a band Living on the admiration of all your fans Were you kidding yourself all along? Cos nobody’s listening any more No nobody’s listening any more And neither would I if I was them I would just stand around and turn a blind eye again Here you are washed up before you’re even 40 How did you let yourself get out the game? Remember everybody was so eager to please? Knocking on your door and getting down on their knees Now you’re happy if they just remember your name Cos nobody’s listening any more No nobody’s listening any more And neither would I if I was them I would just stand around and turn a blind eye again (But I will not fade away)

about

Hi, I'm Rich Keeble. Thanks for checking out this album. It was great fun to make and I'm very pleased with it. Dave and Jon are great musicians, and we only rehearsed a couple of times before entering the studio, and then we banged out all the tracks live in a couple of days, leaving me a couple more days for some self indulgent multi tracked vocals and other stuff

Jon Shortt and I played in a band called Goodbye Sergeants between about 2005 and 2010, and some of these songs are from this era: "You'll Do For Now" was on our first ever demo I think, "Oh No I Know" was another demo I always wanted to re-record, and "David" was a song we never recorded but was kicking around in 2006 (long before I met David Johnston. I can't actually remember who this particular David was now). Conversely a lot of other songs are very new: "You Took My Stuff", "Bellend Tattoo" and "As Voted For" were written very recently, for example.

Although I have a background in comedy I wouldn't necessarily call this a "comedy album", despite certain songs being very silly. However, there are lots of things here that amuse me when I hear them even now: the way My Doppelganger ends, the guitar "solo" in "herebutitsnottoseemeitsmywife", Dave shouting "You're a cunt" in "Oh No I Know (Part 2)", and even the fact that we left "Oh No I Know (Part 1)" off the album to be released as a future B-side so it will come about after Part 2... that's kind of funny... right? "David" also references Myspace and MSN messenger because it was written in 2006 and I thought it funnier not to change it.

Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for listening. I do hope you enjoy it.

xxx

credits

released August 16, 2017

Rich Keeble - vocals, guitar, piano on track 3, keyboards on track 6 &10, noises on track 8, melodica & shaker on track 12
David Johnston - bass, backing vocals on track 3, additional silly vocals on track 5, co-lead vocals on track 10
Jon Shortt - drums, backing vocals on track 3
Dorota Purczyńska - backing vocals on track 3
Charlie Porter - trumpet on track 7

All songs written by Rich Keeble
Produced, Recorded & Mixed by Jon Clayton at One Cat Studios, Brixton, London, UK (December 2016/January 2017).
Melodica and Dorota's vocals recorded at I Told You I Was Ill Studios, London, UK.
Trumpet recorded at In The Closet Studios, Portland, Oregon, US.
Mastered by Kenny MacLeod
Design: Jon Shortt
Cover photo: Edd Wright (still taken from Rich Keeble Vanity Project)
Band in toilet photo: Pritham D’Souza

(c) Rich Keeble / My Telephone Voice
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